I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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