I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
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it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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