forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize