Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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