i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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