real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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