remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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