Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
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You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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