Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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