I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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