i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
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I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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