I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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