____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize