Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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