Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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