I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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