Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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