what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize