We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize