the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize