I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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