Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize