I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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