I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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