In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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