You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize