So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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