It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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