what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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