Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize