Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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