My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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