The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
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I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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