Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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