Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
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And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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