booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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