i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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