he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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