The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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