Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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