hotel room ftw
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize