I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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