why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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