Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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