I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize