Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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