You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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