I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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