happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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