if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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